As the holidays draw near and we reach the end of 2015, I can’t help but look back and think of how this year has molded me. Last January I began a new chapter of my life by moving into private practice and out of a large company. Part of my plan was to get advanced training and specialize in an area of counseling that I have always been drawn to – and at times bewildered by – couples counseling. I had been somewhat introduced to a treatment approach (Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy) that seemed helpful, but very foreign to me compared to previous training. After a year’s worth of training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, one of the biggest changes I have noticed is the way I see others and myself.
Part of living life is experiencing ups and downs, joys and sorrows, pleasures and pains, peace and unrest, and love and rejection; to name a few. As I’ve had these experiences and accompanying emotions, I’ve become more aware of how difficult it is to share an exciting event, or a place of sorrow and receive a quick fix/response, a judgment, or what appears to be an uninterested listener. That is a lonely place to be. It is also just as easy for us to be at the mercy of our own quick fixes, judgments and dismissals.
A lot goes on in daily life, and yet much of it can be very familiar to us. So much so that it becomes easy to move away from curiosity and into the realm of knowing, or making an assumption (based on experience) about what another person might say or do. Knowing that the views we have of others and ourselves is “true” without much room for question. The rhythm of predictable patterns is essential, but has the potential to neglect the curiosity we envy in children. It’s that inquiring part of us that seeks deeper understanding and awareness. When curiosity is lost, it becomes easier to hold more rigid beliefs and views, which then leaves little room for consideration and empathy.
Curiosity broadens our understanding of others and ourselves and allows us to love more deeply. How does it sound to stop and be curious in an emotion that you’ve felt a hundred times, but never really explored? Do you know what you do in response to that emotion? Do you know where you feel it in your body? Being curious often requires vulnerability. Is it safe to do that with yourself? Is it safe to do that with your significant other?
At the Couple Zone we use curiosity and a strong belief that as humans, we have very good reasons for how we move forward and address life and love.
No shaming techniques or guilt trips.
We do not pick sides.
We do not promote compromise as a way to heal a relationship. From a personal standpoint, I can’t think of much that feels better than to have someone be curious enough to try and understand me. That alone is inherently healing. Along with evidence-based treatments, counselors at the Couple Zone use genuine curiosity to create lasting change that unfolds naturally. Whether it is through our services or a desire to try it out at home – give yourself and others the generous gift of curiosity this season.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
